For years, the idea of movie remakes has been the topic of some of the most angry debates in the horror fan community. For me, it began in the late 90s when Japan was churning out gold in the horror genre and studios in the United States were climbing over each other to remake those movies with an American flair. From there, pro-remake fans constantly cited movies like The Fly, The Blob, The Thing, and Dawn of the Dead while anti-remake fans cited such bombs as Psycho, A Nightmare on Elm Street, The Wolfman, and Friday the 13th.
“But wait! Friday the 13th wasn’t a remake,” some would say. Fine. But it doesn’t make it any more ridiculous that a remake/reboot from only 5 years ago is being remade/rebooted… again.
That’s right. The Michael Bay-led Platinum Dunes bought up the rights to Friday the 13th, and they’re not going to stop until either:
A) They succeed.
B) They finally kill off Jason Voorhees for good by killing off the franchise for good.
I’d put my money on the second possibility because, seriously, the 2009 film was what countless ridiculous Friday the 13th sequels failed to be: hated by every horror fan on the planet.
Let’s break down the amount of times Friday the 13th has pushed the envelope of sequel ridiculousness and still maintained its fans.
Friday the 13th, Part 5: A New Beginning— OMG! It wasn’t Jason at all! It was a blood-soaked Scooby-Doo mystery!
Friday the 13th Part 7: The New Blood— Let’s beat Jason with mind-bullets.
Friday the 13th Part 8: Jason Takes Manhattan— ‘Nuff said.
Jason Goes to Hell: The Final Friday— Jason has actually been inhabited by a demon all this time. Because of course he is.
Jason X— Like most other franchises that lasted longer than they should, Friday the 13th features Jason Voorhees… IN SPACE!
Freddy Vs. Jason— Why mock the unending sequels of one horror franchise when you can mock two in one movie?
No, I did not include the 2009 reboot. Why? Because I’m not sure if any fans stuck around after that mess.
All that is left for Friday the 13th is to send Jason to college, the hood, Hawaii, or blow our minds with what we really want: Freddy Vs. Jason Vs. Ash. But there is another option! David Bruckner, the director of the “Amateur Night” segment of the found-footage anthology V/H/S, is slated to direct this reboot remake. This means that we can expect a dizzying, over-used film medium that may not even show us Jason Voorhees at all. Instead, we will be watching two hours of people running through the woods screaming, like most independent horror movies that haven’t quite made the grade. But this movie will have the Friday the 13th franchise tag on it.
Friday the 13th: One Last Time (title not really pending) is scheduled for release on March 13th, 2015. The countdown to the end begins.