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James Bond Stage 8: Diamonds Are Forever

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Eon Productions

After On Her Majesty’s Secret Service, the Bond franchise had to do a lot of soul searching to decide what direction they wanted to take the film series. The film took the spy series into a more serious direction. Unfortunately, the plot and George Lazenby didn’t really do that aim any justice, and the film was mostly panned by fans and critics. I found it boring except for the final scene, myself.

But there is one thing to come out of On Her Majesty’s Secret Service: Eon Productions threw Sean Connery a pile of money, threw another pile at special effects, and probably threw Las Vegas another pile to shoot a car chase scene in its streets to give us Diamonds Are Forever.

To be honest, Diamonds Are Forever is not my favorite Bond installment but, as a follow-up to On Her Majesty’s Secret Service, it is amazing. Right out of the gate, we find Diamonds Are Forever to be a direct sequel, as Sean Connery’s version of James Bond is on a quest for revenge due to the death of George Lazenby’s James Bond. It’s a bold move to change an actor playing a character in any direct sequel. To do this for the title character is insane… but it worked. The moment Sean Connery is revealed, we almost forget George Lazenby even existed.

The main criticism of Diamonds Are Forever is that it is too campy. Well, if the opposite of campy is On Her Majesty’s Secret Service, I’ll take campy every time.

Master Evil Plan:

Blofeld is back, this time with hair and body-doubles and hell-bent on bringing peace to the world by destroying the nuclear arsenals of the nations involved in the Cold War with a diamond-riddled, laser-shooting space satellite. Can’t have that, now can we, Mr. Bond?

Randomly Awesome 007 Moment:

Every scene featuring the mini-villains Mr. Kidd and Mr. Wint, played by Putter Smith and Bruce Glover respectively, is pure awesomeness. These villains have the perfect blend of sinister assassination attempts and dark humor that make them the best Bond Villains so far.

Eon Productions

Considering how far Crispin Glover has come, the Glover family bloodline has has had a fantastic run so far.

Randomly Ridiculous 007 Moment:

The moon rover chase scene in the desert gets me every time. The rover itself looks like a ridiculously built rolling robot. Add that to how badly Bond’s pursuers are at following it and you have one of the funniest chase scenes in cinema.

Eon Productions

Our runner-up scene is Bond using a crane to bang Blofeld’s escape submarine all around the Baja base.

Randomly Awesome Quotes:

1) James Bond: “Anyone seeing you in that outfit, Moneypenny, would most certainly be discouraged from leaving the country.”

2) Slumber Inc. Attendant: “I didn’t know there was a pool down there.”

3) Blofeld: “The satellite is at present over… Kansas. Well, if we destroy Kansas the world may not hear about it for years.”

Stats:

-Women James Bond sleeps with: 1. No time for romance when you’re focused on revenge.

-Bond Kills: 6 (with 1 unknown, since a dart to the forehead could be lethal, and a vague Blofeld death so that he can pop up in a later Bond film, I’m sure)

-Bond friends killed: a couple helicopter-loads of backup

-Pairs of Ridiculous Mini Mutton Chops: innumerable

-Bond assassination attempts:

1 by gun

1 by cremation

1 buried alive in a pipeline

1 by bomb, garrote, and fire-skewers, all in the span of a minute

Grade:

I give this film 4.5 out of 5 Bond double-takes. This entry was crazy, as it should be as Sean Connery’s final hurrah with Eon Productions.


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Patrick began collecting a library of VHS tapes, DVDs, and CDs when he was young, and continues to build a library that could easily double as a video store and/or a revitalized Tower Records.

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