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Botched: When Time Travel Goes Wrong?


botched_cover   I like to think of myself as a fair appraiser of movies. I try to take movies as they are when giving to, or taking from, their merit, and not what I think they should have been. In all fairness, you can’t judge a movie like The Shawshank Redemption on its comedic intent rather than dramatic effect anymore than you can judge Thomas The Tank Engine based on how many dismemberments and T&A shots there were. It’s not fair to the film.

However, upon watching Stephen Dorff’s Botched, I think I am being fair when I say that this was a horrible script surrounded by a great cast and intense execution. What does that really mean? I’m not too sure, but I’ll sure as hell try to explain it.

Botched, directed by newcomer Kit Ryan and written by Derek Boyle, Eamon Friel, and Raymond Friel,  introduces us to Ritchie Donovan, a professional thief with a streak of bad luck(played by Stephen Dorff of SFW, Blade, and The Gate fame). Our first contact with Ritchie displays a twice-bumbled jewel heist, of which Ritchie’s employer, probable Russian mob boss Mr. Groznyi, is quite unhappy with. To redeem himself, Ritchie is given one last job, to steal a cross from a family living on the penthouse floor of a building in Moscow. With the help of brothers Peter and Yuri, the job goes bad, and the three felons are caught on the 13th floor(inferred) of the building with a group of apparently innocent bystanders, a security guard, and some Dungeons & Dragons fanatic with a real sword.

Hilarity ensues. Or at least is supposed to.


I will be fair: this film never asks to be taken seriously. There are a few memorable scenes that make sure we remember this, one which includes the use of disco lights and music, another at the end that almost makes the whole movie worthwhile. Geoff Bell, Jamie Foreman, and Hugh O’Conor all put on excellent comedic performances when they are needed, even if it is to smooth the edges of Stephen Dorff, who has a knack for turning anything remotely funny into melancholy drama. Not that that’s always a bad thing, but in this movie, it doesn’t work all that well. This movie has no serious intent, Stephen, so there is no need to try to make this an Oscar-worthy performance.

The problem with this movie is incoherence mixed with NOT ENOUGH FUNNY. Incoherent is only as funny as the running gag jokes that give the movie its script. Of course, sometimes too much funny incoherence can be bad(see Scary Movie 2-4, Superhero Movie, Meet The Spartans, Disaster Movie for references). Botched doesn’t give us enough funny, and with a feeble script limping along, it just doesn’t make the cut. Sure, there’s some nice, gruesome gore in the film, but even those moments of horror are few and far between, which makes it a tough sell when going up against movies like Frontier(s) and Otis.

I give this movie 2 out of 5 elevators. Please press the “Rent” floor.


Watch Botched Now

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Patrick began collecting a library of VHS tapes, DVDs, and CDs when he was young, and continues to build a library that could easily double as a video store and/or a revitalized Tower Records.

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