It took a long time, but Michael Myers returns for the 6th installment in the Halloween franchise. Most horror fans wish he didn’t, as we dive into Halloween 6: The Curse of Michael Myers.
Movie: Halloween 6: The Curse of Michael Myers (1995)
Plot: Michael Myers returns to wreck mayhem on Haddonfield once again. This time, he’s hunting for his niece’s newborn baby, who escaped the clutches of a cult that has imbued Michael with the curse of Thorn, making him sacrifice a member of his bloodline on Samhain (Halloween) in order to protect the rest of humanity.
Along his way, he meets Dr. Loomis again, Paul Rudd, his own, eerie child replacement to be marked with Thorn, as well as the rest of the gang of Haddonfield, Illinois.
Killer: Michael Myers, of course, along with an entire cult of Druid heathens with bad teeth.
Critique: If there was ever a movie that a director should watch before attempting a horror movie sequel, Halloween 6 should be mandatory. Not to follow, of course, but to be sure that a director knows what not to do in the event that he or she has to continue a story-line.
So what went wrong? Well, everything. Donald Pleasence died, so the ending had to be re-cut into the ridiculously vague scene of Michael’s mask and a syringe. That didn’t go well for the continuity plot of the Druidic cult, considering Dr. Loomis was a central character to the original ending, which was scrapped because no-one wanted Donald Pleasence to become the bad guy.
Oh, that whole cult idea? Obvious done, because Michael killed everyone we knew that was a part of it. Except for that creepy Mrs. Blankenship who had really bad teeth.
In fact, the whole cast and crew didn’t have their heart into fixing the film after test screenings because it was already a muddled mess. It’s gotten so bad that the original Producer’s Cut of the film is coveted, only because it’s at least different from what Halloween 6 ended up being: a bland slasher film with less kills than usual.
To the film’s credit, it did at least try to use symbolic elements of human sacrifice, like children dancing in a blood rain and lots of scenes about rebirth, but it becomes muddled in everything else that this film fails to accomplish.
Most of the muddled concepts were cleared up in the Producer’s Cut of the film. The scientific aspect of the doctors at Smith’s Grove using Michael’s immortality for genetic experiments gets tossed out the window, so we don’t get Michael senselessly killing all of the doctors after leaving them alone for years unless one of them accidentally got in his way. The idea of the Cult of Thorn may feel far-fetched, but at least it makes more sense in the “Thorn Trilogy” that Halloween 4, 5, and 6 had created. It even adds a layer of connection to Halloween 3: Season of the Witch. Who knows what the future would have held if Donald Pleasence was able to do another film?The downside to the Producer’s Cut is that it gets rid of Jamie being impaled on a thresher (which was a plausible kill) and John Strode’s head exploding (pretty damn implausible, but I haven’t tried it myself.)
Scene of Awesomeness: Cue Slayer’s “Raining Blood” when the 6 year old princess prances around underneath a tree with a surprise up in its branches.
Scene of Ridiculousness: The rest of this movie is pretty ridiculous, in a bad sort of way. Druid cults? Check. Druid cult members that think they can control Michael Myers? Check. Druid cult members trying to create as many Michael Myers clones as possible? Check. Paul Rudd? Check.
Body Count: 14 (a bit of a drop-off from the last film.)
1 back of the head impaled on a randomly placed spike on the wall
1 head twisted off by hand
1 impaling on a thresher (in the theatrical cut)
1 vague axing
1 crowbar impaling into a fuse box leading to a head explosion
1 knife to the stomach followed by being strung up in a tree
1 throat cut
5 stabbings
1 face pushed through a barred door
1 vague death of Dr. Loomis (in the theatrical cut)
1 pair of breasts
Actors/Actresses of Note: Paul Rudd, playing Tommy Doyle, the kid from way back in the first Halloween movie, is probably the best thing to come out of this movie. That’s not a dig on Rudd, or even a high point in this movie. It’s just an extremely odd fact. He was probably more well-known for Clueless anyway, which was released the same year.
Quote: “Dang Tim! Does she get this riled up in the sack? I bet she wears crotchless panties and barks like a dog!” -Barry Simms
Grade: Theatrical Cut: D+
Producer’s Cut: C