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Summer Camp Slasher Series: Friday the 13th, A New Beginning

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Kids just aren’t as scared of summer camp as they used to be. Maybe it’s because they aren’t even going away to summer camp unless forced to by the state.

Still, the nostalgia of summer camp is enough to help us begin our Summer Camp Slasher Series, a tribute to horror movies featuring campers, camp counselors, and the maniacs who murder them.

We continue this summer horror series than with Friday the 13th: A New Beginning.

friday_13th_5_poster

Paramount Pictures

Movie: Friday the 13th: A New Beginning (1985)

Plot: Tommy Jarvis is back! Straight from the nuthouse after being committed due to the trauma of killing Jason Voorhees, Tommy is moved to a halfway camp. What happened to his sister? Who knows, but once Tommy shows up, the bodies start piling up. Has Tommy finally lost it, or has Jason Voorhees come back to continue his teenager cleansing of the woods?

Killer: Jason Voorhees… or is it? (DUM DUM DUUUUMMMMMM…..)

Scene of Awesomeness: Lana goes into the diner’s bathroom when Billy comes to pick her up, stands in front of the mirror and says, “It’s SHOWTIME!” before popping open her shirt. Every single movie needs a scene like this.

Scene of Ridiculousness: Jason waits around as Reggie drives at him in one of the slowest vehicles running on an engine: a bulldozer. OK, maybe Jason was blinded for a second, but not 10 seconds. Unless he really wanted to stand there and see what was causing all that light.

Body Count: 18  (3 in dreams)

3 machetes to the gut ( 2 in dreams)

1 nail puncher to the neck (in a dream)

1 body hacked to pieces by axe

1 road flare stuck in the mouth

3 throats slit by machete

1 axe to the skull

1 axe to the stomach

1 gut stab by what looks like a wooden machete, or sharpened tree branch

1 double eye-gouging by gardening shears (Awesomely Overkill Award)

Friday_13th_5_death

Paramount Pictures

1 skull crushed by belt-tightening

1 impalement through the chest by giant, metal spike

1 decapitation while riding a motorcycle

1 meat cleaver to the forehead

1 meat cleaver to the face

1 impaling through a bunk-bed by machete

1 throat slit with a spike through the forehead

1 eye-gouging by unknown apparatus

3 pairs of breasts (2 pairs continuously)

Actors/Actresses of Note: Who isn’t noteworthy in this movie? Corey Feldman makes a cameo so we remember that Tommy Jarvis was that little guy who hacked up Jason all those years ago. Then we have Shavar Ross (playing Reggie), who was Arnold’s friend, Dudley , in Diff’rent Strokes. Not random enough? How about Richard young playing Matt, who went to to become the guy who gave Indiana Jones his trademark fedora in Indiana Jones and the Last Crusade?

Quote: “You big dildo. Eat your fucking slop! Ain’t I make the best goddamned stew in the whole wide world?” – Ethel Hubbard

Grade: C

Friday the 13th: A New Beginning has been constantly panned by critics and fans of the series for years. Some people even go as far as to compare it to Halloween 3. You know, the one that doesn’t have Michael Meyers killing everyone.

So, yes, Part 5 is the film where the writers tried and failed to give the Friday the 13th series a fresh look by getting rid of Jason (technically). Obviously, having Jason come back from the dead by being electrocuted in his grave by a bolt of lightning is scarier than something realistic. So, I am proud to say that I enjoy Part 5. At least, I give it the credit it deserves.

For one, the movie has the most, and most creative, kills in the series so far. This film showed what The Burning failed to show in the uses of garden shear. The movie also worked the Whodunit angle that the original film began. It wasn’t done nearly as well, but again, credit where credit is due.

The biggest problem with the film is that it would have made more sense if Tommy had gone insane. Instead, we are given Roy, the random EMT who happens to be the father of Joey, the fat orphan who was hacked to death by an axe. Nobody knew Roy was Joey’s father? How did he get a wallet-sized photo of him? Certainly people don’t give out pictures of orphans to seemingly random strangers, do they?

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Patrick began collecting a library of VHS tapes, DVDs, and CDs when he was young, and continues to build a library that could easily double as a video store and/or a revitalized Tower Records.

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