Weird Merchandising: A Nightmare on Elm Street Edition

A Nightmare on Elm Street is the perfect movie to start this column because there have been so many products based on Freddy. There have been a lot of cool items, but there have also been some head scratchers. We have compiled a list of some of the weirdest Nightmare products that you will ever find.

Freddy’s Chopsticks

Not even eating utensils are safe from Nightmare branding. The sticks extend out from Freddy’s gloves and would definitely make a statement on your next trip to LeeAnn Chin’s. Though they are cool looking, it just proves that some horror franchises will put their likeness on anything in order to make a buck.

Freddy Potato Head

Nothing screams children’s toy like the likeness of a make-believe child murderer. This toy is equal parts funny, adorable, and inappropriate. I’m not going to lie, I kind of want one.

Freddy’s Head Candle

Even candles are not exempt from Nightmare merchandising. A simple search of eBay will turn up multiple sellers hawking a Freddy’s head candle. The irony is, of course, that Freddy became what he became due to being burned alive. Anyone who actually used this as a candle had to have seen the irony then and regret its usage now.

The Toaster

I am not exactly sure where one gets an idea like this one, but I assure you that it is a real thing. You put bread in and out comes toast complete with Freddy’s image on it. Yes, this is awesome, but it is still ridiculous that something like this exists. Also, it may be on my Amazon wish list.

Apron

There is nothing that out of the ordinary about this apron, it is just silly that it even exists. Who is grilling up steaks and wishing that they were wearing Freddy’s iconic sweater? It is just one more stop on the absurd Nightmare marketing train.

NES Game

The thing about a franchise that has been around as long as Nightmare is that they have tied in their brand with almost everything. I am sure when a fledgling video game company approached New Line Cinema to make a Nightmare on Elm Street video game they said, “What’s a video game?” The game was a pretty crappy side scroller, but if you are a horror fan it is still fun to play at least once.

Freddy’s Greatest Hits

If you thought that this was a music CD, you would be right. If you thought that Freddy had anything to do with it, you would be sadly mistaken. The CD is credited to, “The Elm Street Group” and features such hits like “Down in the Boiler Room,” and “Do the Freddy,” the latter of which does feature some clips of Freddy. The music is bland late ‘80s – early ‘90s rock and is easily forgotten. At the end of the day, this abomination may be the worst product plug of all time.

The Freddy Fright Squirter

This thing would be weird no matter whose likeness it was made in, it just happens that it was made in Freddy’s likeness. It is half puppet, half squirt gun and 100% weird. I wonder how many of these abominations sold back in 1989.

Maxx FX Doll

An underlying theme here is that they made way too many toys starring the face of one of the most recognizable monsters in all of film. The Maxx FX doll was an idea by Matchbox; he was a quick-change artist that could change into multiple characters using interchangeable parts. Matchbox was a little misguided here in my opinion and there is probably a good reason why Maxx FX isn’t still on the shelf next to Barbie today.

The Nightmare on Elm Street Board Game

This is not to be confused with “The Freddy Game” which is also a thing. The Nightmare on Elm Street board game is convoluted and confusing, I know because I own a copy. This game serves to show how just because you can license something doesn’t mean that you should.

That about wraps it up for this week’s edition of weird product tie-ins. Freddy has seen a lot over the years and these are just a few of the strangest. Let me know in the comments if I missed a weird one, I would love to check it out.