Our depiction of what a remake of The Birds may entail.

Contrary to hope, it is not April 1st today, which means that the news that Michael Bay’s production company, Platinum Dunes, is slated to remake the Alfred Hitchcock classic, The Birds.

The news has not been taken well by horror aficionados, and with good reason. When it comes to mindless explosions in an original story-line, Michael Bay has excelled. Or, at least entertained. But when it comes to horror remakes, Michael Bay has left a trail of trampled film franchises in his wake.

  • The Texas Chainsaw Massacre (2003): too much plot
  • Friday the 13th (2009): Jason Voorhees sets booby traps
  • A Nightmare on Elm Street (2010): Mini-Freddy
  • Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles (2014): Unreleased so we can’t really judge, but it supposedly involves aliens.

So what will happen to The Birds? It’s easy to assume that any sort of suspense that the original held will be squeezed out by massive explosions caused by crazed bird flying in every direction, but what about the birds themselves? Will they be AI robots that have lost communication with their creator? Will they be alien monsters bent on taking over the world? Will they be both?

Details have not been released but, whatever the plot-line, we at least know one thing about what the remade birds will be: not taken seriously.

By Pat Emmel

Patrick began collecting a library of VHS tapes, DVDs, and CDs when he was young, and continues to build a library that could easily double as a video store and/or a revitalized Tower Records.

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